College Cost Cruncher Pillows

As the Fleegersons approached the college's financial aid office, a strange force overcame Dan's wallet and Carol's handbag,

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

loan

"I used to get toys as birthday gifts but now that I'm in pre-school, all I get is money for my college fund."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

How were the academic departments on the campuses you visited? Dad!!! Stop stressing me!! College hunting is hard enough without you prying into every detail of my life! Arrghh!! How were the drama departments?

Here's the college for me! It's totally green. Let's see. I though you wanted warm weather. Look at the brochure. There's no snow in any of the pictures. The school is in Minnesota. Wow! Early signs of global warming. Who knew it hit college brochures first?

'And finally, if you're going to commit a felony, do it before ol' dad incurs the high cost of tuition.'

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

"I think I see the problem..."

'Will that be on your store charge?'

It's soo competitive! I'll never get into college! Don't worry, honey. You have plenty of time to prepare. Thanks, mom. Wow! Look at the tuition hikes and financial aid cuts. Don't worry. You have plenty of time to prepare. True. I deposited $10 just the other week.

"That's the parents' section."

'A bit gritty about the collar, but hey, what the heck, I'll take it!'

"You're all on rations, due to the ironic rise in the cost of chicken feed."

'I just need enough money to get out of debt.'

"We ran your credit rating and came up with a negative number."

I'm doomed! What's Twig's problem today? She forgot that the pre-SATs are this weekend. She hasn't practiced. So what? They don't test for life's important skills. Right. Like planning ahead. Whoops! I forgot the cream.

The kids are going back for another semester.

'My net worth? Do you mean after taxes? Or after I pay for your education?'

'How will we pay for her college.'

"Boring game today."

"Financially, you're in the top third but you're in the bottom third of that third. You are, however, in the top third of that bottom third?"

Using a Snow Blower in Dorm Room.

It's parents' night. They're discussing the college admissions process. Isn't it early for that? Are you kidding? They'll explain how to pay for 50-grand-a-year tuitions. In that case � It's already way too late.

'I think my parents are feeling the pinch of college tuition. They're talking about return on investment.'

Institution of $20,000 plus Tuition Per year Learning

Tuition fees.