College-bound Kids Pillows

"Oh George. My heart."

"One year closer to college!"

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'The children are leaving the nest, honey! They're not diving in the Olympics...That was at leas a 6.5 by the way.'

I'm interning at town hall for my college transcript. Cool. I'm taking AP classes to boost my GPA. How about you, Twig? I'm working at my dad's nursery. What do you get out of that? Money. Novel idea!

"So what happened between you and Estella?"

I got into the college everyone wants to go to! Well played. It's the perfect fit for me! Way to go! Eco-Club. Which one is it? Dunno. Why do you care? So I don't apply there!

'Oh, yeah? Well, my kid has accrued more college loan debt than your kid!'

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

'He's trying to put three kids through college.'

"Kids in college? Well, won't it be nice to have them home?"

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

Slage University Admissions.

Test preps, PSATs, SATs, AP courses, community service, 3 sports, 2 clubs and chorus

I'm forgetting which college is which. Their brochures are all alike. University of. It's always fall or spring. Apply! There's always a multi-cultural group of kids hanging out. There's always a girl in goggles working in a science lab with an ethnic-looking prof. It's reassuring. They all celebrate their diversity in the exact same way! And charge the exact same for it!

"Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made."

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"Gracie, you do not need a cell phone. Little girls like you don't get important phone calls."

"I'm glad this is the last of it. Mom and Dad kept smiling, but I know it's breaking their hearts that I'm going to be living at college!"

"Either we've been robbed or the kids left without saying goodbye."

Blew off my S.A.T. prep class.

"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."

'Of course, that's just an estimate for your children's college costs.'

'Higher learning gets higher each year.'

Yeah, I'm living with my parents while I go to college - They moved into my dorm room.

"I think we'd better enjoy these table scraps while we can. . . I heard the older child say she wanted to go to college!"

The kids are going back for another semester.

Relax! The college process need not be stressful! Staying calm actually helps your child cope. Parents' night. Top colleges are brutally competitive. Even state universities are rejecting excellent students. I'm relaxed. Me too!

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

Since college admissions officers might see his Facebook page...

'We've found that having our kids leave for college from an actual nest helps them to grasp this momentous passage in their lives.'