Collects Doormats T-Shirts

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

Robert was literally a cat burglar.

Utility Chic.

'I've had that sign on the desk for 30 years, waiting for the bucks to roll in, but I'm as broke as ever.'

'If you only learn one thing while you're here kid, remember, the cherry filled ones are mine!'

"Mine, I believe, is the Green Jacket."

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

Baby blanket.

'Anyone else would be satisfied with one coat, but not you!'

Joseph, returns his coat of many colours: 'Can I exchange this? It clashes with everything?'

Mostly Identified Flying Objects

"This isn't for me - it's for the economy."

"How many is too many?"

The evolution of a woman's purse.

"I'm having my annual reunion with Polartec, Thinsulate, fleece, and my oldest friend, wool."

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

The gift of a family Christmas

Manager: Do Not Disturb.

"It's a Citroen Picasso..."

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

'It's goose down!'

Ye Old Mariners Inn.

'It's another canvasser dear'

'So I guess your mom was cold this morning.'

"I've been to college, but I'm selling magazines to pay off my student loans."

"We're editing our collection of plastic bags."

A Businessman in a camo suit

'If you have trouble with cold feet in bed, you will find this dog is equivalent to two blankets.'

'This crocodile handbag never gets nicked!'

Most people don't know that tug-o-war got it's start in the late 1600s when, for a brief amount of time, rope was considered legal tender.

Legless man shopping for coats modelled by legless mannequin.

'I told you not to wear that bearskin coat!'

'Now let's try with the lining.'