Collector Of Knowledge Gifts

'We'll take two sets, for upstairs and downstairs.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Playdough's The Republic

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

'A is for Arse.'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

Cheating Death.

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."