Collecting Satire Gifts

"These pills will cure your O.C.D., but first I wonder if you could organize my shelves."

'Get them whitened? It took me $50,000 and five thousand bottles to get them this way.'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

'He's a good listener, but only to the sound of his own voice.'

Bureaucracy gone mad!

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

In my day, they didn

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

The trap

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Barry stop!. . . I'm you! I'm Barry from 2008. I'm using a time machine to stop you from making an awful mistake!"

The Notre Dame Five Year Restoration Plan Swing Into Action.

"My God—I've forgotten the number of my Swiss bank account!"

The Modern Damocles -

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

Peace bomb.

Slave Drivers.

Corporate Punishment.

'Don't be so sexist, sweet cheeks.'

You're right, Jenkins. The numbers don't lie. Get me some that do.

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

'Finally, an objective way to decide who to promote around here.'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

My boss is a real turd.

"It is as I feared, Mr. Moran. It's definitely a stiff upper lip."

ENNUI...(smiley face).

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'