Collecting Rumors Gifts

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Vegetarian Birds

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

'The pills stopped your depression but we may need to adjust the dosage, Sister Naomi.'

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"That was a rumor day."

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

"Champagne always makes her light-headed."

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

Waiting for the 5 o'clock hooter.

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"Well, that's not a good sign."

'Well, it is just my opinion, but it's backed by the best rumor and speculation the internet can provide.'

Apple says to banana: 'Look, it's had to explain ??" you're just a naturally funny guy, OK?'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"Is the snapper fresh?"