Collecting Novelty T-Shirts

'C'mon, Billy, we need another quarter!'

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A MEGALOMANIAC TO WORK HERE, BUT IT SURE DOES HELP!

Clown on bike.

Fly Football

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

hard-boiled egg...

Hay Rides $10

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

"Recalculating route..."

"Yes, I said bring me the king. . .But not that king."

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

Fossil record player.

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

Bathroom Fairy

Apocalypse Research Center

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

A crab with a utility knife claw

Veloci-Rapper

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

Lavatory Waterfall

'Have you any W fronts?'

A close shave on the Titanic...

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

"Roadkill cookies"

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'This thing better hold. I don't know about you, but I don't find plan B very reassuring.'

'The guy in the scarecrow shop promised me that nothing scares crows better than the 'Giant Fox XR50'.'

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."