Collecting Humorous Items Gifts

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

'Irony Board"

Osteo-pierogies

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

'Global Cards, I must inform you my clients are insisting on royalites this Christmas...'

Hard Water

His and Hers towels in a jail cell.

Lesser Known Active Volcanoes.

'FYI - this pan is bulletproof.'

At death's door

"One last question. Would you like the remains to be creamy or crunchy?"

Hollywood Sign Developers

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Skeleton playing fetch.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

"Eat me"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Vegetarian Birds

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Cake Free Zone

A watch face with Stonehenge

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner