Collecting Family Tree Information Pillows

Genealogy convention

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Family DNA

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

Newborn making the V-sign

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

Writing the generations/Bring characters to life.

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

'...Yes, I do still have all of your Dad's love emails on floppy disc somewhere.'

Man at desk researching through papers.

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

'Just between you and me, I'm descended from very small dinosaurs.'

"This is your great-great-great-great grandfather Felipe. If he was alive, he'd be a very famous man."

"Our ancestors used all the hair genes."

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

Related

"I traced my family tree. This is it."

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."

"You're the hardest client we've ever had."