Collecting Family Tree Information Pillows

Genealogy convention

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Family DNA

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

Newborn making the V-sign

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Writing the generations/Bring characters to life.

'...Yes, I do still have all of your Dad's love emails on floppy disc somewhere.'

Who's your daddy?, INC. It

Man at desk researching through papers.

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

"Tia Carmen, are we related to Luis and Walter Alvarez?"

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

Related

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

"Our ancestors used all the hair genes."

'Just between you and me, I'm descended from very small dinosaurs.'

"Hi! Is this Jesus of Nazarath, son of David? This is Stan. We're family! I found you on Ancestry."

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

I'm beat! Was work too hard for you? I didn't notice you helping dig, haul, plant or water dad's nursery. Boo hoo! He paid you, didn't he? Yeah. But I'm too tired to spend it! Now I can help.

"I traced my family tree. This is it."

"This is your great-great-great-great grandfather Felipe. If he was alive, he'd be a very famous man."

" ...and this is the armor of my ancestor, 'Cederick the Unintimidating.'"

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."

"My ancestry results said my DNA was 4% Wales."