Coincidence Connoisseur Pillows

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Tiny Visions

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

S**t Threw a Goose

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

'Waiter, this jam tastes of fish!'

Spot the Higgs Boson competition

'Who are you and what do you want?'

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

Sock Without Partners Sock Hop

Joke traffic signs.

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

The pilgrimage begins

"You must be joking, it’s my ex — what are the odds?"

'A1 Hammocks Ltd.'

"Just how rare? The first print run of this book, in 1935 was just 6 copies and we're still waiting for one of those to sell...."

'I have no idea what you are saying.'