Coincidence Connoisseur Pillows

I read tea leaves. What a coincidence. I write them!

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Tiny Visions

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"No party - it's for testing the atom smasher."

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

S**t Threw a Goose

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

'Waiter, this jam tastes of fish!'

Spot the Higgs Boson competition

'Who are you and what do you want?'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'Wow! The earache I've had for three weeks is gone!'

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Sock Without Partners Sock Hop

Joke traffic signs.

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

"Just how rare? The first print run of this book, in 1935 was just 6 copies and we're still waiting for one of those to sell...."

What are the odds? I'm listening to Ennio Morricone right now, too!

"You must be joking, it’s my ex — what are the odds?"

The pilgrimage begins

'A1 Hammocks Ltd.'