Cognitive Warrior Gifts

"I use my mind to constantly calculate and recalculate the number of grudges I'm holding with the hope that this will help ward off Alzheimer's."

Thinking Gears

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Soldier armed with a pen.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'Coleridge'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

Examiners.

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

Censorship.

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

Kevin had a computer virus.

Cartoonist Stabbed By Censorship Swords

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"Ted doesn't test well."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

'All this knowledge going into my head, through my eyes and out the window to float forever in space.'

Spam.

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

'Due to a programming error you have been erased.'

Computer virus

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

'You want to discuss the glitches in the software I sent you? No, Tuesday's out - how about never - is never okay?'