Cognitive Humorist Pillows

"Missing. Pale pink. 1 x 1 inch. Indiscernible neural function. Call 1-800-666-MAGA."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

Football Chameleon

The devil you know and his plus one

Optimist

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Some scents are nonsense.

Schrödinger and his cat

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

Auguste Comte

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'

'Heidegger-Hi!'

Clever pitbulls.

'I'm left brained and I needed some right brains.'

Seneca

Raymond Queneau

Revenge of the Latchkey Kids

Albert Einstein Tells A Joke. . .

''Et cetera' implies that you know much more than you really do. . .'

Vladimir Nabokov