Conceptual Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"That's strange. It must have been slow."

The devil you know and his plus one

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

Some scents are nonsense.

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

Ask A Silly Question.

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

Layton and Ignatieff: the merger.

You're too enamored of wealth, Al. As it says in the Bible, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle that for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Is that a regular Camel, or does it have a filter tip?

"Does my brain look big in this?"

"Pansexual"

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

Slug Romance

Today's Sermon: Is There Really A Dog?

"Do you think he'll bring treats?"

Dumped by a six year old for a computer

"Missing. Pale pink. 1 x 1 inch. Indiscernible neural function. Call 1-800-666-MAGA."

Jungle Plumber.

Jean-Paul Sartre.

A cow with Barbie's proportions.

"Doctor, your speech was certainly unabridged."

'Yes, Cinders, you SHALL go to the Ball!'

"Oh, it's you."

I knitted him for you..

H.M.Customs 'Nothing to declare' 'Articles to declare' 'Genius to declare'

'It's a smart TV - it only turns on for Mastermind.'

'I think his I.Q. is lower than his shoe size!'

'HA! I don't have TIME prior to talk words I've already had on think to... speaking.'

'Hey, I think that's him: alligator riding motorcycle, wearing goggles and a bandana - hold it- there's no bandana.'

Poor Zhok, the only Homo Sapien in a Neanderthal neighborhood.

Form follows function

"I have to twinkle"