Coffee Table Collector Gifts

Too-Much-Coffee Table.

"Good Boy." (Dog sits in chair, reading newspaper. Next to him, on a table, is a trophy inscribed with "Good Boy.")

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Books / Coffee table books

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'I've had that sign on the desk for 30 years, waiting for the bucks to roll in, but I'm as broke as ever.'

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

Shall I be mother?

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

I am coffee and I need more coffee

"I wonder what this was for."

"This one seems perfect, but do you have it in red?"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

A complimentary biscuit

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

'How old is this vase?'

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

"You said you'd be 'five minutes,’ nine months ago."

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

Why Running Away Together Is Not a Very Good Idea...

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'