Cocktail Conversationalist T-Shirts

"So, how long have you been old?"

'I used to be an investment banker...but I am alright now.'

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"He's rich, but not run-for-office rich."

"I wanted to get her a car instead of that ten carat diamond ring, but I couldn't find a fake Mercedes."

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"Would you be a doll and go be angry at the world with Henry?"

"How can we reduce red tape and promote market forces?"

'Fill 'er up!'

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'Me? I'm working on a book - 'Sex Beast: My year of meaningless and degrading sexual encounters'.'

A guest departing a party.

Male chauvinist lines: the next level

"I would take you up on your offer to have a glass of wine, but I've heard that it shouldn't be consumed with a depressant."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Given the chance, would it have been a mullet?"

"What a small world! We're rich too."

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

". . . and of course, there's absolutely no privacy whatsover!"

"You remember the ex-husband in chapter one who caused her to reassess her whole life and seek a spiritual awakening? That was me."

"Who am I to question our government's policies? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Bernard A. Nesbitt, who reads the 'Times,' the 'Wall Street Journal,' the 'Post,' 'Newsweek,' 'Time,' 'Business Week,' 'U.S.News & World Report,' 'Look,' 'Life,' and 'Saturday Evening Post.' That's who I am!"

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"Nonsense - I can sit on my Warhols twice as long as you can sit on yours."

"Everything has been done to death."

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"Lionel will be watching the new Administration very closely."

"True, the private sector has its benefits, but, then again, so does the public trough."

"I'm a businessman, turned artists, turned businessman again."

"Actually, considering how badly the foot was mangled, it's a miracle they could reattach it at all."

"Thank god Nader's back! I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to throw away my vote."

"Maine? What an authentic place to come from."

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

"All I'm saying is that if God created man in his own image he was a bit of a cloner himself."

"I'm confused now. Was Shakespeare somebody else or was somebody else Shakespeare?"