Cocktail Consultant T-Shirts

A Good Batch.

'Steak Ted?'

Join me in a Martini?

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"I forget to drink."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'The first cocktail.'

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Do you want a drink or do you need a drink ? We're very busy...."

My first mistake.

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

Bar Therapy

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Don't worry about the economy, dear. We'll always live large."

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

'We're not exact clones - he likes his martini shaken, and I prefer mine stirred.'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

'What is wrong with brother Sebastian?'

Fallen Angel.

"This is the Upper East Side, sir. We don’t sell ‘well’ vodka."

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'