Cockroach Comedian T-Shirts

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

Melody Cockroach.

"And lately I've been feeling very sluggish!"

Giraffe Selfie

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Sick Rancher Humor

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

Yep the kids are loving the hotel they've made lots of new friends.

Roach Motel

'Nope. He doesn't qualify you for the carpool lane.'

'You're getting too old for this game, Scott. ... They say the legs are the first to go.'

"All you cockroaches, …. When he tries to listen to the ocean, … run as fast as you can into his ear."

'Well, sorry, but I can't see anything exciting happening anytime soon...'

"Nonsense, Mother. You'll probably outlive us all."

"You planted only beans and corn last year, right Herman...?"

"Sorry, Jeff. Two's company, three's an infestation."

Don't be alarmed by the smell, it's not a chemical attack: we've just entered the teenage boy's bedroom...

'I'm Dr. Pooches and I'll be your den...Oh, boy.'

"Do you suppose there's life under other rocks?"

'Don't kid yourself. Humans have chemical weapons, and they'll use them.'

"I'm one of those vegetarians who eat meat."

'Oh yes... and I'll want one for the wife as well.'

"Sorry, but they call themselves cowboys: so they must love us more than they love their horses..."

Cow wrestling with ring through nose.

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

Clown Car Lane: 10 or More

Introducing Roach-Hab.

F&E Ranch. If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer a tattoo.

"Do you have to scream every morning when you turn on the light and I scurry across the floor?"

Punch Bowl

The lesser of two weevils: "The farmer's worked really hard on his cotton crop. I say we leave it alone."

You're turning onto Jackson? Miller is waaaay faster! Watch the kid on the bike! Backseat GPS.

Cockroaches standing by 'launch missiles' button - "...all I'm saying is. If there was a nuclear war, us roach types would come out on top."

"This car sharing scheme is great, I'II try to get it back to you in a month or so."

'We've got stop seeing each other - my wife is getting suspicious!'