Cloud Taster Gifts

'Personally, I think the cumulous taste more cotton candy then marshmallow.'

"States of tofu"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

Wine taster with mineral water

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

My comfort zone

"I'm getting a lot of burnt notes."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

Baby at Christmas Dinner

'The statue of David? I thought you said Mogen David.'

'Frank, it's water.'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

IRS, 'Yes, but in order to deduct it, you have to be a LICENSED wine-taster.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

Brew Clubs

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

'Notice the quintessential taste of Tuscany in this impressive little vintner we picked up on our last trip to Italy.'

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

'How about I leave the last splinter in? It'll be a good reminder to not take things literally, at your next barrel tasting.'