Clinical Skills Gifts

'Let's see now. My left is your right and your left is my right.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Clinical psychology involves observation of patients in clinics and related settings. Forensic psychology takes place at crime scenes. Cognitive psychology uses mathematical models. It can happen at a computer. Ernie prefers to put his patients in the car and drive backwards. Which is? Reverse psychology.

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"Psychiatric convention"

Fishing Contest

"I see a psychiatrist holding a Rorschach test."

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

"You have natural causes.''

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"You have twenty eight days to live."

"5 second rule!"

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

"He seems to have done a complete turnaround."

Fat Reduction Clinic.

'Welcome to claustrophobics anonymous. Before we get started who votes we get a bigger meeting room?'

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

'Who was that masked man?'

"I wasn't smart enough for college. So instead of a diploma and a quarter million of debt all I've got is a growing plumbing business and a steady income."

Chicken soup is in an intravenous drip.