Clinic Comedy Collector Pillows

"You appear to be anatomically correct."

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Banana Split...

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Filet minion

E-Baying @ The Moon

"The Eggsorcist"

Snowmobull

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Turtle Hat

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

A trevor of trainspotters

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

"Whose the new guy?"

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

An Extraordinary Pointer

The embarrassment of mistaking a salon for a saloon.

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'