Cleaning Strategist T-Shirts

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Environmentalist Brainstorm

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

Population rocket

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'Cleanliness is next to 'clean room' in the dictionary. Look it up.'

The household cavalry

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

In the art gallery

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

The Transition Oz team on their way to Totnes to get advice on Reskilling, Transport, Oil Dependancy and overcoming Post Petroleum Stress Disorder.

"We've done it! We've done it! We've discovered a detergent that takes the chore out of washing and makes all other detergents seem old-fashioned by comparison!"

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

'And this is the secret of how our company gets through hard times: we grow all our own food!'

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

Wearing radiation suits to clean the toilet

'I'm just draining the reservoir.'

'My mom invented baths!'

'Only peanut butter and jelly fingers, Sir.'

'I'd like to come over, but Mom cleaned my room and it's going to take me all day to put it right again.'

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

Medieval Torture

Global Warming Trade Fair: Turning Climate Change Into An Investment Opportunity.

'Why is it I can see what needs doing around here and you can't? . . . I know what cures that. . . 'Chores-ercise'.'

Our house is a mess! Life's messy, I need to simplify. You don't have the nerve to do what needs to be done. We left our laundry on the sofa for you, mom! You're so wrong. I can too get rid of my kids. You'll save tons on cleaning supplies alone!

4 Great Life Hacks for the Holidays!

Human Dust Buster

'We've only cut our CO2 emissions to piss off the utilities companies.'

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.