Cleaning Dodger Pillows

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'We're out of cereal!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'I mean, how totally lame is this? Just as the marketing for our new video game was about to go viral, the Center for Disease Control shut us down!'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"Sorry Mrs. Tate. There's no cure for Not-Taking-Out-The-Garbage-Itis."

'Instead of brushing my teeth can't I just chew on one of his dog biscuits?'

'They are worried about the economy.'

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"Can't you rake the leaves? I'm raking in cash."

'There's going to be a lot of blame thrown around. Remember to bob and weave.'

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

"Sorry I didn't return your calls of earlier today."

"You should have called earlier."

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

The Labrador Retriever and Boxer mix was initially named the 'Boxers Retriever'. It's domestic work ethic, however, was sadly lacking.

Cone of Silence

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Oh look... You don't know how to wash dishes. I guess you don't ever have to wash them again."

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

Bowling.

"Mom, ca I rest for a while? I'm having labor pains!"

"You'll be informed on a need-to-know-to-take-the-blame basis."