Clean-shaven Guru Pillows

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Rapunzel in the Morning

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Emergency Hipster Beard

Dating is so expensive...

"Be creative...!"

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Nice haircut."

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Wow, what a DILF."

Movember

The Cat Spa

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

Drunk Barber

Hair Traffic control.

'Have you had a brazilian?'

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

Square Cut

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...