Clean Freak Club Pillows

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

'Mom is making us clean out our rooms, but she'll get you next.'

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Hand sanitizer

"Not guilty?"

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

TV and cleaner

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

Wash your hands

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

Car wash / Mouth wash

'It's like all I do is pick up after him.'

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

Soap Versus Coronavirus

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'I distinctly remember saying 'No Starch'.'

'I thought this was supposed to be clean fill dirt!'

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

Jet Liner Wipes 'I tell ya, cleanin' the fuselage used to be my least favorite job...'

"You've opened my eyes to the most disgusting worldly delights."

"And to think NASA hit a target 11 million kilometres away."

"Clean up this mess. . . or you're out."

'Crumbs everywhere!'

'I warned you about eating at your desk. The Board of Health impounded your keyboard.'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

Spring Cleaning

"This is supposed to be the clean room so we'll give it an additional five minutes."

"As soon as Pete woke from hibernation, he got down to some 'spring cleaning'...."

"Yes, I have allergies! Hundreds! Because my crazy mother kept me in a germ-free house with no pets and I developed zero immunities!"

Clean the World.