Claustrophobic Philosopher Pillows

'I didn't think you'd like spelunking, but do you listen to me? Heck, no.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

The Three Kinds of People

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever