Classroom Survivor Gifts

"The teacher says I need to have a do-over for third grade."

"I don't have kids because after twenty years of teaching there isn't a child's name I can hear that won't give me horrible flash backs."

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Examinations.

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"It's going to be one of those days."

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"And to finally break free from the crippling burden of my student loans."

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"Sure I know what it adds up to. It adds up to another 'C' for Eddie Goldbeck."

"I don't want to go back to school; other people are my kryptonite."

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'