Classroom Dynamics Gifts

"You must be the substitute teacher."

"Until the face recognition software is installed I'm going to have a hard time remembering your names."

"Enough about the handsome stranger. Show me that quiet, studious class of highly motivated students again please."

"Who'd like to go first?"

"Raise your hand if you think I'm resilient."

'Well Watson junior you seem to be in your element.'

'Well. . . she's exceptionally distracted.'

'You'll notice your desks have a new feature this year. Sit down and buckle up.'

I will not waste chalk kid...

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'I guess what happens in Kindergarten, doesn't stay in Kindergarten.'

The History Teacher

'...All profits are local.'

Smirking or Non-smirking

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

Soccer Moms

"Fear not, Miss Hathaway. Just go home and listen to a cd of howling wolves or screeching monkeys and by Monday you'll be ready for your 3rd grade class."

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

'I'm sorry,Mrs.Hurley, but my mind's on 'hold' today.'

"The kindergarteners have breached their classroom confines, and are headed this way. We'll be overrun within minutes. What should we do?"

Announcement over school PA: 'We're going to begin this week with an all-school search for Mr. Ridley - last Friday's substitute teacher.'

'What about you, Billy? Did some deranged animal burst in during recess and devour your homework too?'

A small clown sits at the back of a class room - 'Mr Jenkins, do you always have to be the class clown?!'