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The Unfinished Symphony

"I was almost that last year."

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

Pirates

The TROU of the Baroque

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

The last of the mullet.

"I'm sorry, but I assumed it was a fancy dress costume..."

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

Person playing the cymbals.

"Reservations, please. And while I wait, I'd like to hear Act II of 'Tosca' sung by Tito Gobbi and Maria Callas."

Dressed as Tins

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."

'For the first time in ages, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer faced some stiff competition from Ernie the energy saving reindeer'

Santa saying to shrink - "I don't believe in myself."

'Hey, don't blame me, blame PETA!'

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

Scientists finally cracked Santa's vocabulary.

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.