Classical Curator Gifts

Sir Arthur Bliss.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

The Googler

"I think he was a celebrity."

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"And this is our media room."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Physician tending a mummy.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

Misunderstood artist

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Painting taking root...