Classical Curator Gifts

Sir Arthur Bliss.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"I think he was a celebrity."

The Googler

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"And this is our media room."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Physician tending a mummy.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.