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'Tonight's news is so depressing, we've decided just to show the 'Three Stooges' instead....'

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"They don't call them reruns anymore...they call them deja-views."

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

'We'll return to the evening news right after this message from the Three Stooges....'

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

"These are PC to view, providing we laugh in an ironic and non-committal way - belly laughing constitutes a hate crime."

'Funny, it usually works OK after you've given it a hefty kick.'

Laurel and Hardy police protection - "And don't worry about informing on the mob. I've arranged that two of my men give you 24 hour proctection."

'We now pause for technical difficulties....'

Sid James and Tony Hancock.

'Hello Cynthia, it's me...I thought I'd phone for a natter, Gerald's fallen asleep in front of the TV...trying to program the video.'

'I'm not too happy about this new identity you lot have given me!'

Bob Crane - Spot the Difference

"One of you will always wonder if this could have been settled differently."

Road Safety

'I know na-sink, na-sink!' - Sgt. Schultz's secret is discovered

HONEY! I TOLD YOU THAT GRUMPY WERE GETTING SICK OF ALL THOSE POLITICAL COMMERCIALS!

A man is standing up with a remote stuck between his butt cheeks-he says;'Nobody is going anywhere until the t.v. remote is found!'

"For what it's worth, 'Yo-ho-ho and chilled Pinot Grigio' actually rhymes."

'I think I liked it better back when there were only three networks insulting our intelligence.'

Three bears watching Porridge on three different size tvs,

Eskimo, Eskilarry, Eskicurly