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I Love Lucy Today

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

W.C. Fields

"They don't call them reruns anymore...they call them deja-views."

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

Its a poor heart that never rejoices

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

Old Martin Chuzzlewit Suspects the Landlady without Reason

1839: Rare photograph of wagons on the 'Organ Trail.'

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

'Funny, it usually works OK after you've given it a hefty kick.'

'Oh no - it's not the Cisco kid - it's the disco kid.'

'On the Highway of Life, Broderick Crawford is always pulling me over.'

"At the last minute, his personal physician always intervenes."

A Little Mistake.

'Actually, my Dad never learned to talk - My Mom's a ventriloquist.'

'… the professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligan's Isle.'

'You'll never be as good as Morecambe and Wise,'

"Instant? In my day they used to make it from scratch."

'Why do you want a chimney sweep anyway? You're all electric...'

"Wow, this comedy channel really is hi-def."

Some gentlemen preparing for a hunt

Servant girls wishing to leave because the soldiers have moved from Knightsbridge.

At a Smoking Concert.

'Have you seen two men, messy looking, no shirts? They just escaped from the dungeon.'

'The problem is he's 98.6...It's his age.'