Classic Jokes Appreciator Pillows

For tuppence a pikey tells a huntsman the hounds have passed through - when huntsman returns pikey reveals he meant the previous day

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I cross the road to forget."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Biliard Enthusiast

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

OMG.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"'You're the reason I crossed the road'? Really?! Is that your best pick-up line?"