Clairvoyant Humorist Gifts

Big Medium

"You're second sighted."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You're solemates!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

Large print e-book.

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'It's Blurred.'

Ill next Thursday

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'