Clairvoyant Escapades Gifts

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

He is familiar with the silent swoop of the evening bat.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Asking out a palm reader.

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You're solemates!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'It's Blurred.'

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

Ill next Thursday

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'