Civic Cynics Pillows

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

No Immediate Danger

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

The Forever Stamp

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"Stocks rose today on news that even higher taxes won't stop the rich from getting richer."

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

Who is stupid enough to buy this crap?

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

The first accurate poll.

Born Cynical,,,,

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'