Cinemaniac Gifts

"… and the last item on the pre-nuptial aggreement is, … he wants final cut on all home videos."

Now Playing On Your Phone: Other People's Craft Projects....

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Horror movies

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

"Bloody hell!"

'There's nothing on.'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Hugh fans!"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."