Cinemaniac Gifts

"… and the last item on the pre-nuptial aggreement is, … he wants final cut on all home videos."

Now Playing On Your Phone: Other People's Craft Projects....

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Herman Mankiewicz

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

Horror movies

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

Cut!

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

'There's nothing on.'

"Bloody hell!"

"Hugh fans!"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.