Cinema Skipper Gifts

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

Crime Prevention Seminar

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

"I'm putting you on a skipping diet. . .Skip cakes and wine."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

In the supermarket

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."