Cigarette Hiders Gifts

Putting your cigarettes out of sight can reduce the urge to smoke.

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Harold took the advice of the 'experts' and only invested in things he understood, which is why our portfolio consists entirely of Anheuser-Busch and Phillip Morris.'

'...at least it's done something for our image.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

In Disguise.

"I'd just like to congratulate you on how skillfully you've hidden my novel!"

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"Try getting life insurance when scientists are always supplying you with tobacco."

'...How much did he pay you to sneak in here and take his fitness test?'

'I know you're at home, Oog -- I can see your feet!'

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

"So if you don't want to know the World Cup results look away now until July 16th."

Nigel Farage

"They want us to work an extra two hours, so I'm either going to sneak out my office window or hide in the bathroom."

'I gave up smoking, drinking and sex...It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.'

Where did you hide my laptop? Hint: You'll never find it. So obvious, dad. Under his dirty laundry. No chores all week if you don't tell.

'Hey, pal - got a light?'

"Above the ceiling is plenty of duct space, a perfect hideout for when the in-laws visit."

"We need to find the packs of filtered cigarettes."

"Oh, go on. Let them have a go at shooting the cigarette out of your mouth... I mean, it's not like it'll matter if they miss and accidentally hit you."

'We've decided to grant you a new identity -- you're now a cocktail waitress in Sioux City.'

'I prefer these imported cigarettes - they don't have a health warning.'

DIVORCE COURT, 'What? -- You hid the remote during the SUPERBOWL!'

"And keep your eyes peeled for tobacco smugglers."

'I wasn't supposed to stay, but then I got hooked on these things.'

"I've hidden all the pieces of string - it's time our relationship moved on."

"I'll have 20 'Causes strokes and disability' and 20 'Can lead to impotence.'"

'When you've fixed the sink I'll tell you where I hid the remote.'

Transcending Dental Medication

I tried a nicotine patch, but I found that the smoke alarm works better.

'He mistakenly preed mundungo for the aga.'

Caffeine and Nicotine.