Cigarette Companion Pillows

'I don't WANT to be flagpole sitting. It's the only place they let me smoke!'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Foster failure"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

Hush puppy.

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

A man and his dog

"I'm working from home today."

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

Dogs

"I could catch a bicyclist, well maybe not a bicyclist, but I could catch a jogger, definitely."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

Wagging Dog

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."