Coffee Companion Pillows

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

'How long has what been going on?'

"I'm somewhere between O. and K."

Reading the sports pages.

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

"What catalogs are you reading today?"

"I could argue about foot and mouth until the cows come home."

'Things are going great with Mark although he can be a little possessive.'

'It was horrible! - I dreamed I was attacked by Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck RESCUED me!'

'He's very protective of me. Don't move a muscle or he'll kill you. Coffee?'

'There is no point in having a spoon rest on the counter for the coffee stirrer, if you're not going to use it!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"You're the lid to my pot."

Dolphin friendly tuna

"I heard they mate for life."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

Salt and Pepper

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

Running Latte

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

Best friends without borders.

"Are you as excited as I am?"

Pretty Soon: Robot pets won't provide the valuable life lessons flesh pets did.

Pumpkin Spice

"If you give me a penny for my thoughts, and I put my two cents in, I'll still be short a penny."

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

"I'm Tia Carmen...but I guess I'm not your tia, so you can just call me Carmen."