Churchgoer Skeptic Pillows

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Verger Works

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Let us pray...'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

"Amen. Please help me up."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."