Church Tech Wizard Pillows

"Are these microphones, O Lord, on?"

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

Follow God On Twitter

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Why god isn't listening...

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Monk Synth Bell Ringers

'Does it come with any Apps'

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

"He calls it the eBible."

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"What format shalt I save these in?"

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

The Pope tweets