Church On Wheels Gifts

Vicar with a cross on his cycle helmet

Drool Marks

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

United Church of OMG

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Out for lunch... GOD

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

'How come I never see you in church?'

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

"...And forgive the congregation member who left their cell phone on and it rang during the sermon!"

Man waiting to receive communion drinks soda

Detected.

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"God must have been very pleased."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

Church sign.

The Church-Going Bell.

'We worship the deity formally known as God.'