Church On Wheels Gifts

Vicar with a cross on his cycle helmet

Drool Marks

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

United Church of OMG

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

Out for lunch... GOD

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

At Michawl Phelps' baptism.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

'How come I never see you in church?'

Man waiting to receive communion drinks soda

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

Detected.

"...And forgive the congregation member who left their cell phone on and it rang during the sermon!"

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"God must have been very pleased."

'We worship the deity formally known as God.'

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

"And remember, there's only one in management. The rest of us are in sales."

Church sign.