Church Chatterbox Gifts

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Moo Out Loud

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

I disturbed the class by talking in my sleep.

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

'That chap really knows his onions!'

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

Flotation Device on the Phone

The Exhaustive Bro Catch Up

"He started talking yesterday. It didn't take him long to start a podcast."

"I figure if I don't have that third martini, then the terrorists win."

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."