Chuck Mangione Fan Pillows

"I think one of my favorite things about being on hold for two hours, and there are many, is being reminded that Chuck Mangione plays a mean flugelhorn."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Ta Da!...

Domestic event in the Zoological Gardens No. I. - The nose of the hippopotamus put out of joint by the young elephant

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

Michelangelo eh...well you're going to have to come up with some ID!

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

Level up your game with a MANicure.

'Two, four, six, eight Who do we appreciate ,,,'

God has chose me to talk to you about superannuation

'He confessed to reading George Bush's memoirs.'

Cupid fires an arrow into a football.

Suicide

'Excuse me, coach - but are we the hugs or the kisses?'

Television Baseball

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

"Sufferin' sagebrush, Cookie! You call this pasta 'Al Dente?!"

"Ooh, scrummy!"

Bird Descended from Dinosaurs.

'Not again! Perhaps I should only paint ceilings.' (painted into a corner).

Chemistry Trash Talk: 'I heard your mama thinks Pasteurized milk was named for Louis Pasteurize.'

World News.

"Not to brag, but I once blew a vaping cloud so big the Met Office gave it a name."

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

"If I may indulge in a bit of hyperbole, Jensen, this report of yours is good."

'He's a big softie really'.

"I've never been a quitter - I've been sacked from every job I've had..."

"Try to stay calm. I'll be back tomorrow with an update."

"Mom said grandpa killed it so his penis would feel bigger."