Chronic Truancy Expert Gifts

"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"Your son's web presence doesn't make up for his truancy."

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

Skin Deep. Hey, that's my dermatologist! He must be doing pretty well! One man's rash is another man's pleasure!

Jack felt much better, now that he was working out.

'The reason you've healed so quickly is because you're in such good shape!'

"Today we practiced counting to five, and the teacher practiced counting to ten."

Alternative medicine

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

'It's new and it has really caught on!' (High Energy Bar and Grill).

"I've been waiting here so long I think I'm cured."

"No, you're not getting too old for school."

'What do you mean 'how much longer am I going to keep you on hold' - I called you!'

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

This is News Six reporting from the New Jersey Turnpike. Southbound traffic is at a standstill. Now back to the newsroom.

"Welcome to the Department of Delayed Gratification. Take a number."

'Your diet is to full of chemicals and artificial additives, I'll see what I can prescribe you to help.'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

"Good. . . evening. . . welcome . . . to . . . the. . . slow. . . cooker. . ."

'Sorry, he's away and won't be back for a week.'

"For heaven's sake try to relax now you're retired."

'Just as I thought. You've outgrown your coverage.'

Thank you for not smacking

It may help as part of your weight loss campaign...but it's a little extreme.