Christmas Wish List Gifts

'If that isn't a 18 speed bike, Charlie won't be very happy.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Daughters on the beach

"That'll be five bucks."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Priest

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

"I might just get a pie."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Mouse returns home from work.

'Hang on a minute...'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Loopholes

"Ticket and passport, please."

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

Snake Charming

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"Who's the new guy?"

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."