Christmas Story Fan Pillows

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

Inn and Out

'The hotel, endorsement deal didn't work out, we're going to have to stick with the stables,'

'Wise Men indeed! We set out to find a King and we end up with a kid in a manger...'

"I didn't know what to give him, so I brought some myrrh."

"I'm getting a CAT scan after Christmas."

While Shepherds watched their flocks by night

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Santa's wash day.

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

Media press pack outside stable where Jesus is born

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"I love Boxing Day"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"