Christmas Satire Lover Pillows

Meet a Representative of Santa Claus

'Tell us how the big guy really finances this free toy give away scam and we might be willing to cut you a deal.'

Rudolph Red Light District

Xmas special - the same stuff we always sell, but now with added spray snow on the window.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

A centipede's Christmas stockings

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

After they became friends, Rudolph found out just what reindeer games the reindeer played.

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

Politically correct Xmas presents

"He must be a South Pole elf..."

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

Notice! Due to COVID, all reindeer games are postponed indefinitely.

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"The 10th anniversary gift is tin. I got Ralph a new tinfoil hat. He's more sedate with the extra channels."

Elf on the Top Shelf

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

"I won't be needing you this year."

"Well, I ain't flyin' next to him!"

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

Santa Hat Hair

Christmas Eve and Christmas Adam

"Claus Trophobia"