Chore Procrastinator Pillows

"Hey Brian - can I borrow your lawnmower?"

'My spring cleaning got spring fever.'

'I know, I know. I know. It was my turn to change the water filter. You don't have to keep reminding me.'

'There's a 50 chance of rain, so I only watered half the lawn.'

"Don't worry honey! I promise I'll remove them next week!"

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

In, Out, Shake it all about

The Forever Stamp

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"This next song's from the soundtrack to the film of the book I never got around to writing."

'I understand you have nothing to do, York.'

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

Gym. I don't need to exercise --- I have an ab crunch on my smart phone!

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

'I prefer to work vicariously as opposed to remotely.'

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"I was all set to go to the gym, but you'd be amazed how much, yoga class and pour-a-glass, sound alike."

Working from home to-do list.

"Have you ever had one of those days when it would have been easier just to do some work?"